A full set of teeth, two last names, and a high school diploma..

Name three things you won’t find at a NASCAR race.


Yea, that was brutal.


Don’t get me wrong.  I love sports.  I love cars.  I just have a hard time getting excited about a combination of the two that was inspired by a dog chasing his tail.  


Here’s a good question.  If NASCAR held a race south of the equator, would all the turns go to the right? Hmm.


One thing I dearly love about NASCAR are the fans.  Absolutely rabid, fierce, and infinitely loyal.  They have simple beliefs in God, guns, and family.  Unfortunately, their family tree looks more like a flag pole, but I digress.


You would think that this crowd is suspicious of government intervention; rightly so.  You would think that this would be the last crowd the IG would waste money on for any reason.  But as we have learned, government waste knows no boundaries, exceptions, or intelligence.


So here’s what happened at a meeting of the FCC leading up to the pending change to digital TV.


Lackey: “We’ve got to find creative ways of educating people to the upcoming change to DTV.”


Tool: “I’ve heard of this NASCAR thing where 100,000 people sit in stand and watch cars go in a circle for hours.”


Idiot: “So you’re saying we have a captive audience?”


Tool: “I think so.”


Lackey: “How can we take advantage of this?”


Tool: “Apparently, the cars have advertising all over and by constantly staring at the ads, the crowd becomes condition to a marketing message.”


Idiot: “Kinda like when we repeat a lie so many times that people believe it…”


Tool: “Just like that.”


Lackey: “Well, let’s do it.  Make it happen.”


Tool: “Well I’ve pulled together a rough budget.”


*group laughing*


Tool: “I can get us a website advertised on the rear fender for $350,000.”


Lackey: “I’ve heard that NASCAR runs almost year round. That’s a bargain.”


Tool: “No, that would only be for three races.”


Lackey: “Sounds like a good idea to me. Let’s do it.”


So the IG decided that it was more important to advertise a web address for DTV.gov than for you, the American taxpayer to keep $350,000.


In Other News of the Ironic, the government has wasted untold millions of dollars trying to bring broadband to rural America, which is where the majority of NASCAR fans live.  So advertising a web site to people who don’t have broadband is pretty funny.


What would you do with $350,000?