Since the dawn of man, the formation of the “family unit” has generally followed the same steps.
Boy meets girl.
Boy like girl.
Boy postures for girls attention and affection.
Boy asks girl to participate in some formal ceremony of commitment.
Girl agrees only because there isn’t a life form worthy of her, but boy seems the best of the options.
Boy is always wrong.
Boy and girl make other tiny boys and girls.
The cycle continues.
This has worked since the first Neanderthal took the first woman by the hair and dragged her to the cave.
Yet, for some reason, researchers at Penn State at University Park don’t buy that concept. They blame everything on TV. That’s right, television. Here’s the worst part, they convinced the IG that they needed money to conduct this important research.
So they received a grant from the National Institute of Health for $702, 558 to carry out this work. Almost three quarters of a million dollars……
So what expenses created the necessity for such a large sum of money? Well, to study the effects of TV, you have to first find a place where TV doesn’t exist. So the researchers went to remote villages in Vietnam. That’s right, Vietnam. And not only did the 14 remote villages lack TV, they lacked electricity.
So they split the villages into two groups of seven each. One group received nice big gas generators and fancy TV’s. The other village, well, they were left alone. I hope the villages without TV’s didn’t hear about the ones with TV’s because then envy would set in and envy does not end well in a Opportunistic State.
So seven villages in Vietnam will be subjected to the streaming stupidity that emanates from a TV. For their sake I hope the programming is decent. I don’t believe waterboarding is torture, but I do believe that being subjected to an endless stream of Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, and Sex in the City constitutes as cruel and unusual punishment.
In Other News of the Ironic, episodes of Survivor were shown, yet the villagers thought it was a comedy and that all the contestants were wimps.
So there you have it. A three year study of how TV effects the:
“…the causal link between television and family formation and reproductive health.”
So here’s my question… Well, one of them… But, why do we care? Seriously…. Who cares? Is the IG going to read this research and them deem TV bad for our health and decide on controlling the programming? Or realize that TV makes people dumb and numb and require a certain amount of TV a day. What possible good can come from this research?
Even odds says that the men grow fat and lazy, the children unruly, and the chores ignored.
Besides, what would you do with $702,558?