The Parable of Fred’s Bank

I recently refinanced my mortgage.  Not because I was upside down or in trouble, but to pay it off sooner. By taking advantage of really low rates and mortgage companies looking for qualified buyers with high credit scores and 46% loan to value ratios, I was able to reduce the time left to pay off my mortgage by 30%.  That makes me happy.

This is good news all the way around as I will soon own my home outright and I’m saving a ton of money on interest.  That means more money back in my pocket, sooner. From a philosophical standpoint, I will no longer be a slave to debt. And uncontrolled borrowing is the #1 reason this country is in this ginormous pile of doo-doo. Technically speaking.

Freedom…  Free at last..  Talking about freedom..  Freeeeeeee….

*not on boat

 And no, this is not a column about swimming in debt.  That’s for a different time and place.  And a much longer read.

So my mortgage broker sold my loan to a real lender.  We’ll call them Fred’s Bank, where their slogan is, “Hi,I’m Fred,I have a bank. You got $1500? … ahhh, I’ll put it here …” Either that or Security First Trust and Federal Reserve. Thank you Steve Martin.

I’ll go with Fred’s Bank.  Less to type out each time I make a reference.

Now let me tell you a little about Fred’s Bank.  They are ruthless to their employees.  The management enjoys a lavish lifestyle while their employees live in abject poverty.  And I don’t mean the USA version of poverty where you only have last year’s iPhone, a 5 year-old car, and only basic cable.  I mean grass hut poverty. I’m talking work 80 hours a week for food and a roach infested room.  Once you are born into Fred’s Bank there’s no leaving.  You are there for life.  Trying to leave is punishable by death.

And it’s been like this for a while; over 60 years. Yet to the consumer, they are the best.,  Always gracious, always providing the lowest possible cost, and mass quantities…  Sometimes the quality suffers, but the costs are so cheap Fred’s Bank customers are willing to put up with a little lower quality occasionally….

Fred’s Bank has so much money as a result, they they lend lots of money out.  To other banks, to people like me with my home mortgage, auto financing, etc…  Yet their employees still live a substandard lifestyle and are constantly malnourished, disease ridden, and without any rights as human beings. Despite all the profits of the bank.

So what do I do…  I’m already paying a ton of money on the interest to borrow the money, but as a concerned citizen of the world I can’t take a blind eye to the blight of Fred’s Bank employees. Just not right….

I will tell you what I did…  I took out a bigger mortgage loan than I needed and used the extra money to send to agencies that were helping provide the basic necessities of the poverty stricken Fred’s Bank employees. So now I am mortgaged for more than the value of my home and I’ve done the right thing and sent that money to Fred’s Bank employees.

Except it’s not enough.  They need more.  It’s not like they can eat once. They eat every day.  It’s not like they only need medicine once, they need it a lot since they are in such poor health.

Besides, now that I am sending a lot of money to Fred’s Bank employees, I don’t have enough to meet my own bills, so I call my handy dandy Fred’s Bank customer service representative and listen carefully because the menu choices have been recently changed:

press “6″ for English

“3″ for borrow money

“1″ for time share

crap, wrong selection

“9″ for previous menu

“2″ for add to existing loan

“#” to repeat menu, none of those sounded like what I want

“#” repeat again

“0″ for the operator

punch in my loan number

punch in my maternal great-grandfather’s high school mascot, The Fighting Wheels

Thank you.  Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received, your current wait time is approximately October. Thank you for holding

Yea… I’m here.  My account number?  I just punched it in. Oh, to verify that I’m still the same person.  I was on hold quite a while and I have grown emotionally, so I guess I’m not the same…  Huh? Ignore that, here’s my account number.  993948374757829959482671685902-009389487583B. Huh? What was after 9? 93948374757829959482671685902-009389487583B. no..  B.  Not C.  As in Bravo. No, that’s a D.  Where did you get M?  No..  It’s B, as in Bieber.  Got it?  OK..  I want to add more to my mortgage.  How much?  Just make it a bunch.  I’m sure I’ll need it. Am I good for it?  Of course I am.  When will the funds be available?  Great.  I can go ahead and start writing checks.  No, thank you very much.

So now I am flush with new cash and what do I do?  Pay my bills? Certainly not.  I send more money to the Fred’s Bank employees.  Because they really need it.

Rinse and repeat until your debt equals $15,700,000,000,000.00 and counting.

So how does this parable tie into the CentsToChange mission of exposing Imperial Government waste?  Simple…

Let’s replace Fred’s Bank with, um, how about China.  Yea, that will work. And we replace the horrible working conditions with a Communist state. For instance, The People’s Republic of China.

Not to be confused with THE Ohio State University.  I can’t imagine why that is a big deal.  I was born in Ohio, but couldn’t wait to leave. It doesn’t make sense why more than one university would care about that title.  It’s like watching a mule and a donkey fight over an apple.  No one cares.

End digression.

Currently, the IG owes Communist China $1,200,000,000,000.00, yet since 2008, the kind and generous US of A has given China $114.6 million in aid money.  Given.  And guess where we got that money?  CHINA


So..  We can’t afford to pay our own bills. On September 30, 2000, our debt was $5,674,178,209,886.86.  Right now? $15.7 trillion and counting….  It took us 224 years to amass $5 trillion in debt, and 12 years to add $10 trillion.

Spending is out of control.

Yet we still find the money to give $114.6 million to our biggest debtor…  How often do you include a crisp $100 bill with your mortgage payment to be given to the employees of your mortgage lender?

And that is exactly what we, the taxpayers, are doing with China.

What would you do with $114.6 million?